Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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