She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
