I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
