And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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