I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
