maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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