why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
