I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
