i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
