Screwed.edu
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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