his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
