I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I need to stop coming to work sober
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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