Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In other news, I just burned my penis
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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