the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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