East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
