She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
