we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
