He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
