Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
