I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
