after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
