My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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