I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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