I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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