Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize