Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
