We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
