I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
