he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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