So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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