so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
