i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
