I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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