Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.