well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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