My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
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He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.