I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My feet surprised me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
