My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
