At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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