she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
