is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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