I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
