I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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