So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
