over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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