Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
