I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
