You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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