Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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