she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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