As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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