You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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