Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
