I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
