I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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