I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
