Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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