she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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