So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You dont lie about slip and slides
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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