Dude my mom stole all your condoms
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
