the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
