Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
