turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
