It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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