You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
