i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
