So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
