you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
