i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
